facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
Randomize
