I am full of burrito and curiosity
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I'll never lecture you, go get that dick baby girl make momma proud,I didn't raise no quitter
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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