I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize