So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
