do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i have no idea who im with but someones making meatballs. im going to stay.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
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