I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
jen just told me ur idea of revenge was saluting while letting his bong float away while attached to some balloons.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
