North Korea, Best Korea!
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
they sound like some classy girls.
Hey, I don't give them daddy issues, I just take advantage of it. The real bad guy here is American parenting.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
