I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
