okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
