I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
It's like I just got slapped in the face with the cock of nostalgia.
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
