can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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