it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Randomize
