i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Randomize
