You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I'M SORRY THIS WAS SEXTING AND I MADE IT SERIOUS.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
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