I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
she peed on how many people?
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
She told me she eats fruit when she's hungover because it has more water than water.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
Randomize
