My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
