he started yelling "squirt for me" then his girlfriend knocked on the door and told us to keep it down
i'm not really understanding how she couldn't figure out it was him
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
I can honestly say I've never had orange soda poured on my vagina before, that's a story for the grand kids
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
