I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
I woke up with a picture of my dick as my background. still wondering if it was a good night or not.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
Randomize
