I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
