Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
You kept making that girl eat peanuts, saying they were good for her baby..... I don't think she pregnant
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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