I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I mean enduring a 45 minute conversation about C-sections was worth the 9 jello shots those soccer moms gave me.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
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