You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Cant really say how it happened but i woke up in the middle of the night and somehow pissed all over connors dad
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
Just because you haven’t had your UTI yet doesn’t mean you have a right to talk like Yoda
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