Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I would just like to point out that a bandaid led to sex. The lesson here is always have a bandaid in your wallet.
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
