My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
thus making me awesome and them whores
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
