I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize