i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
then she kicked a hole in her own door and the next thing you know, brian's walking up to her room with power tools. in no condition to use them
So I have a scar from when the stripper tore off my underwear .... Best birthday ever
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
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