I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
3 2 1 whiskey
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize