what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Dance move was taxi-ing on the runway then taking off in a plane. All the boys wanted to beat you up cause they were like "who is this angel flapping her arms like a bird in the bar i must have her"
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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