guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
She just rubbed her face all over pool chalk. I feel like it's time to go
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
