I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
