Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I threw up outside of a cab while waiting in a drive thru Mexican line while others who i don't know watched from their cars while they ate. Dinner and a show.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
Randomize
