If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
