i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Randomize
