Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I say go for the trifecta and maybe you'll get a medal or something. Or a baby. That's like the same thing right?
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
