I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
