Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
You can say goodbye to our security deposit.
Already? What he do?
Opened a bag of topsoil at the party and spread it all over the living room. TOPSOIL!
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
