She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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