By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
Randomize
