Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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