my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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