I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Randomize