I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
