I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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