U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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