You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
I cant even remember his name or what he looked like. all I remember is what the tattoo on his forearm looked like.
well, he kindof looked like a walmart greeter. I tried to stop you
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
