I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
The crooked penis I maybe could have looked past...but no foreplay? Deal breaker.
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
