I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Make me food? I don't want to be a science experiment. I'm dunk. Holy shit. Drunk*. Let's do science.
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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