I am in a vortex of obligation.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
