what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
