I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
THE AUSTRALIAN IS SINGLE AS FUCK.
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
Randomize
