Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
Saying you want a bj does not count as saying you wanna see me btw.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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