I like to think it a success when the cops are called
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
