it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I'm passing your future prison.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
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