I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
Well I got black out drunk before the rehearsal dinner and berated my family with insults. But other then that it was a good time
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Last night you were throwing up in my toilet singing "all by myself."
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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