My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
you were so blacked last night that you jumped in the lake fully clothed, then just went back to the bar and walked around like you weren't soaking wet.
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
