I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm not entirely sure how getting 'house drunk' turned into us getting trashed, being serenaded by karaoke and going out. But it needs to happen again.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
