we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Your panties and toothbrush are in your mailbox. just not ready to be with anyone serious. take care.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
you're hired as official boob wrangler
She pulled out a water gun filled with vodka and called it her weapon of choice tonight. She's fine.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
