i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
For my 21st birthday, I require a kiddy pool filled with vodka. Make it so.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Welp, I've officially cried in every Chipotle bathroom in the city. Correlation or causation?
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
