im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize