2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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