remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
Randomize
