I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Randomize
