i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Randomize
