you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
the vast amounts of cleavage i'm sporting to my final says "no, I didn't study but don't worry I've got something lined up for when I don't graduate".
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
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