singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I may have just flashed my roommate as he walked in while my towel was falling. Now he knows what an American sized penis looks like I suppose
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
