The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
No no this isn't that fun. I'm alone drinking wine and me and the dogs ran out of things to talk about around 9 am.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
