my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
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