but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
