Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
Randomize
