Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
