I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
you could tell him that chauvinism doesn't go very well with his gay homemade tank top
This sounds like "Sober" Ericka. Sorry that message wasn't for you. I only do business with "Fell off the wagon" Ericka. Please pass that message along to her.
I am currently listening to someone take a shit. I hate the hole in the ceiling.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I want to name my colorful bowl Batman. Why? I still have yet to figure it out. But I'm calling it Batman.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
