he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Stay strong! Remember we're too uncoordinated to be strippers to make money instead of being a nurse
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
Randomize
