Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
this kid at 40 friday greeted another kid by saying "heeey farmville neighbor"
dude.
yep. needless to say i didn't meet anyone and spent yet another friday night masturbating.
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
