he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I want to be your penis for a week.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
He screamed, "Let there be light!" when he came
I haven’t been this excited since I found out they sold cases of Jack Daniels.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize